My Kid Isn’t Lazy - His Brain Just Hit a Wall

Liz Lee
Jan 9
4 min read

Updated: Jan 15

Some nights I sit at the kitchen table watching my son stare at a blank page, textbook open.

The pencil is in his hand, the homework is open… but nothing happens. I see the shutdowns, the screaming, the running to their room in avoidance.

And in that moment, I think: Please please tell me they’re not refusing again. Please tell me this isn’t about laziness.

Because I’ve seen enough to know, it isn’t.

What Task Initiation Really Looks Like

It’s not just "getting started."

It’s every tiny cognitive step that our brains normally take automatically:

Figuring out where to begin.
Remembering all the steps in the task.
Deciding which tool or page or folder to grab first.
Keeping focus long enough to move past the first hurdle (the itchy sweater, the rumbling tummy, the smell coming from somewhere, the noises outside the room etc.).

For a neurodivergent child, those invisible steps are walls. Thick. High. And exhausting to scale.

At school, this looks like: "not trying," "lazy." or "avoiding work."

At home, it feels like: overwhelm, tears, frustration, and endless repetition to remind them to "do their homework". It's complete task paralysis.

And in my head I think: If I don’t calmly sit with you and show you the first step, you literally can’t move forward.

When the System Misses It

Teachers often look at scores, grades, or test results and assume:

"They should be able to start independently."
"He's done it before."
"They just need motivation."

But the truth? Motivation isn’t the problem. Executive function is.

Task initiation issues are invisible. They’re not a choice. And they aren’t laziness.

What Actually Helps -Making the Wall Scalable

At home, I started breaking every task down into steps small enough to reach:

Step 1: Open the textbook, or get out the worksheet.
Step 2: Read the first question.
Step 3: Write one sentence.

What has also helped is to use graphic organizers to chunk out each step - thus creating a work system.

I started scripting it out:

"It looks like we have a couple of items today, do you want to start with A or B?"
"We can look at the first line together. Let's start with that for now"
"Where is your textbook, as I want to read more about ancient civilizations?"
"Let me help you by reading, and you just listen"
"You can listen to the text first. Then I wonder if we can then answer the questions?"
"I bet we cannot finish 3 questions in ten minutes!" (Gamify any task makes it a challenge and in most cases a huge motivator!)

NOTE: I use non-declarative language as much as possible to reduce the 'demands' of tasks, and allow autonomy as much as possible.

I would make sure I kept consistent and practiced until the steps (habit building) became more automatic.

Even something as simple as:

"Gather your materials before starting"
"Let's work for 5 minutes and see where we get"

…made a huge difference.

And suddenly, my son wasn’t frozen anymore. He could start. They could keep going, maybe with some more prompting. They could succeed in small, manageable bursts. This is scaffolding!

It also helps to 'body double' and sit with him, next to him, doing something else, so he knows I am there to be the emotional regulation he needs. It offers a motivational force, a social accountability to begin a task, and activates the brain's dopamine reward centre.

When Teachers Make It Work

Not all support is at home. Some teachers quietly change everything:

One teacher noticed my son’s pencil hovering over the page, frozen. He didn’t scold. He didn’t assume laziness.

Instead:

He wrote the steps clearly on the board.
He checked in and prompted with, "What’s your first step?"
He praised completion of tiny chunks.

My son still has task initiation struggles, but slowly he is starting things instead of freezing.

I realized: Nothing about my child changed. The environment did.

Takeaways for Parents

Remember - task initiation isn’t laziness - it’s executive (dys)function at work.
Reduce the amount of tasks and lengthen the time to do them.
Break every task into small, visible steps.
Model the first step and celebrate each tiny success.
Scripts, checklists, and timers can be the difference between freezing and moving forward.
Collaborate with teachers as a small tweak in expectations or instructions can change the whole day.