Embracing Neuro-Affirming Language: Importance and Practical Swaps for Inclusivity and Belonging

Liz Lee
4 days ago
7 min read

In our increasingly diverse world, language plays a crucial role in shaping our understanding and acceptance of different perspectives. As a parent of a neurodivergent (ND) child, I have come to realize the profound impact that neuro-affirming language can have on fostering inclusivity and respect. I even prefer myself to look at the world of neurodivergence from the neurodiversity paradigm and social model, versus the medical 'deficit' model lens. I recently attended a school district committee meeting, where we are focused on supporting anti-ableism - and one key factor in that is language.

This blog post will explore the importance of neuro-affirming language, provide practical examples of language swaps, and share insights from neurodivergent individuals on the significance of using this language.

Don't have time to read the full post? Jump straight to the 20 practical language swaps

Understanding Neuro-Affirming Language

Neuro-affirming language refers to the use of words and phrases that validate and respect the experiences of neurodivergent individuals. This includes those with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other neurological differences. By adopting neuro-affirming language, we can create an environment that acknowledges the unique strengths and challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals.

Neurodivergent is an individual and Neurodiverse is a group

The need for neuro-affirming language arises from the historical context in which neurodivergent individuals have often been marginalized or misunderstood. Traditional language can perpetuate stigma and reinforce negative stereotypes. By consciously choosing our words, we can help dismantle these barriers and promote a more inclusive society.

Why Do We Need Neuro-Affirming Language?

Using neuro-affirming language is essential for several reasons:

Validation: Neurodivergent individuals often face challenges that can lead to feelings of isolation or inadequacy. Affirming language validates their experiences and helps them feel seen and understood.
Empowerment: Language shapes our identity. By using affirming language, we empower neurodivergent individuals to embrace their differences and recognize their strengths.
Education: Neuro-affirming language can serve as a tool for educating others about neurodiversity. It encourages open conversations and fosters understanding among peers, educators, and family members.
Community Building: When we use inclusive language, we create a sense of belonging for neurodivergent individuals. This sense of community can be vital for their mental health and well-being.

Examples of Neuro-Affirming Language Swaps

Language is never neutral. The way we talk to children becomes the way they learn to talk about themselves. Over time, these small phrases shape identity, self-worth, and the story they carry into adulthood.

These 20 swaps are not about being "politically correct." They are about choosing words that leave room for dignity, understanding, and growth.

1. From "Disorder” to “Difference"

Instead of describing ADHD or autism as disorders, we can describe them as neurological differences. This shift reminds us that these brains are not broken, they are wired differently, bringing both challenges and unique strengths.

2. From “Struggle” to “Challenge"

"Struggle" often sounds like something is going wrong. "Challenge" reflects effort, learning, and resilience. It recognizes that growth happens through difficulty without attaching shame, and highlights the resilience and strength required to navigate these challenges.

3. From "Behaviour Problems" to "Behavioural Differences"

Calling behaviours "problems" invites judgment. Calling them differences invites curiosity. It shifts the focus from punishment to understanding what the child is communicating. Rather than labeling neurodivergent behaviours as problems, we can refer to them as behavioural differences.

4. From "Normal" to "Neurotypical"

There is no universal normal. The term "normal" can be exclusionary. Instead, we can use "neurotypical" to describe individuals who do not have neurological differences. This terminology acknowledges that neurodiversity is a natural part of human variation, are not outside the human experience, they are part of it.

5. From "Fixing" to "Supporting"

This language honors that neurodivergence is not a defect, but a different way of navigating the world. It also supports respect for their unique needs and preferences. Instead of framing interventions as a way to "fix" neurodivergent individuals, we can focus on "supporting" them - because neurodivergence is not something that actually needs to be fixed. (P.S. There is nothing wrong with us!)

6. From "Defiant" to "Protective"

What looks like defiance is often self-protection. A child may be trying to avoid sensory overload, emotional overwhelm, or confusion they don’t yet have words for.

7. From "Not Trying" to "Difficulty with Task Initiation"

Many children deeply want to begin - their brains simply can’t find the starting line. This reframe removes the crushing weight of laziness and replaces it with compassion and strategy.

8. From "Attention Seeking" to "Connection Seeking"

Children are rarely seeking attention. They are seeking safety, regulation, and reassurance that they are not alone.

9. From "Lazy" to "Burned Out or Dysregulated"

When a nervous system is overwhelmed, motivation collapses. That is not laziness - it is biology asking for care.

10. From "Low / High Functioning" to "Different Support Needs"

Functioning labels flatten complex humans into categories. Support needs change based on context, energy, safety, and environment.

11. From "Can’t" to "Not Yet"

"Not yet" carries belief. It tells a child that growth is still unfolding.

12. From "Meltdown" to "Nervous System Overload"

This shifts crisis from misbehaviour to neurobiology. The child is not choosing chaos, their system has exceeded its capacity.

13. From "Immature" to "Developing at Their Own Pace"

Brains do not grow in straight lines. This language respects natural variation in development.

14. From "Poor Listener" to "Processes Information Differently"

Listening doesn’t always look like stillness or eye contact. Many children need movement, visuals, or repetition to truly absorb information.

15. From "Too Sensitive" to "Highly Perceptive"

Sensitivity often reflects deep awareness of the environment, emotions, and energy around them.

16. From "Overreacting" to "Experiencing Big Feelings"

Their emotions are not wrong because they are intense. They are signals, not flaws.

17. From "Bad Attitude" to "Communicating Distress"

Behavior is the body’s language when words are not yet accessible.

18. From "Needs to Toughen Up" to "Needs More Safety"

Regulation does not grow through pressure. It grows through felt safety and trust.

19. From "Why can’t you just…?" to "What’s making this hard right now?"

This single question turns frustration into compassion.

20. From "This is who you are" to "This is what your brain needs today"

Identity is not fixed. Support should never be either.

When we change our words, we don’t just change sentences -we change the way children come to understand themselves. And that story matters more than any label ever could.

What Do Neurodivergent Individuals Think?

To gain a deeper understanding of the impact of neuro-affirming language, I reached out to a few of my neurodivergent friends. Their insights were enlightening and reinforced the importance of this language shift.

Many expressed that using affirming language made them feel more accepted and valued. One beautiful human I know shared, "When people use language that acknowledges my differences, it helps me feel like I belong. It’s a small change, but it makes a big difference."

Another friend noted, "Language shapes how we see ourselves. When I hear terms like 'difference' instead of 'disorder,' it reminds me that my brain works in a unique way, and that’s okay."

"I think the biggest difference I see nowadays is the ability to use ND affirming language in my parenting: helping a teen reframe his “failure” to attend school as a choice made through wise interest and maturity, i.e. choosing not to spend 30 hours a week in a place that isn’t safe for him, despite what authority figures are saying to his parents." - fellow ND parent of ND children

These perspectives highlight the profound impact that language can have on self-identity and community belonging.

I hear that so much more lately - belonging, and there is even a movement within Diversity, Equity and Inclusion (DEI) - to add Belonging. To me that is true acceptance of all humans regardless of how we show up.

Practical Tips for Implementing Neuro-Affirming Language

Adopting neuro-affirming language in our daily lives may seem daunting, but it can be done with intention and practice. Here are some practical tips to help you get started:

Educate Yourself: Familiarize yourself with the terminology and concepts related to neurodiversity. Understanding the nuances will help you choose your words more thoughtfully.
Listen and Learn: Pay attention to how neurodivergent individuals describe their experiences. Use their language and preferences as a guide. Or if in doubt, just ask. We don't bite!
Practice Mindfulness: Be conscious of your language choices in conversations. Take a moment to consider how your words may impact others.
Encourage Open Dialogue: Create a safe space for discussions about language and neurodiversity. Encourage family members and friends to share their thoughts and experiences - even if it's negative - then you can educate them.
Be Patient: Changing language habits takes time. Be patient with yourself and others as you navigate this journey together.

Reflection

Embracing neuro-affirming language is a powerful step toward creating a more inclusive and understanding society. By choosing our words carefully, we can validate the experiences of neurodivergent individuals, empower them to embrace their differences, and foster a sense of belonging.

As a parent, I have witnessed firsthand the positive impact that affirming language can have on my child’s self-esteem and confidence. I also feel more confident when I use a neuro-affirming language when I speak to others, as I often get it reflected back, and it really does feel welcoming.

Let us all commit to using language that uplifts and respects the diverse minds that make up our world. Together, we can create a future where everyone belongs.